And looky there — she is a redhead after all.

Oh, I know he’s a bit too over-the-top and in-your-face, but I’ve developed a soft spot for Steve Irwin over the years. Sam had an intense Crocodile Hunter phase, and yesterday we were watching some of the footage, unable to really believe that someone so alive could be so abruptly dead. Left a wife and two kids. Whatever else you can say about the Crocodile Hunter, he was passionate about his work, and how many of us can say that, honestly?

Give ‘em hell up there, Stevie.

Do you happen to notice that they are sleeping on HOTEL BEDS, not on SLEEPING BAGS? If so, you are noticing correctly. That should tell you a little about how the camping thing played out. I will tell the story later, but let’s just say that soft brown dirt, S’Mores, Crown Royal, camp coffee, an incessantly crying baby, vomit, and bored little boys were all involved.

My daughter Julia is an early riser. In that, she definitely has not changed one single bit from the way she was in the womb. Consistency! I like that in a person.

At the moment, it is A GODDAMNED QUARTER TO SIX in the morning and not only has Julia been up for an hour, hour and a half, she’s in a particularly winsome mood. She and Rudy basenji are on the living room rug, he ruminating upon a rawhide, she talking to her toys. I’ve been summarizing depositions. Why not? Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. Much better to make some money and get some work done.

Julia’s first birthday is next Monday, and I am laughing to myself. That sort of goes like this:

Me: Self, you want to know what?

Self: Nah, tell me.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You fall for that one every time!

I am laughing to myself because I remember this time a year ago, when I was waiting on pins and needles and bitching mightily about being so pregnant and wanting to get my hands on my little Julia already. I remember thinking it was cool that I would have a daughter again. I remember all the hopes and worries I had about her. But? I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS DEALING WITH.

This little girl saved my life. I’m telling you that. She was really the one who helped me turn my life around and make big changes. Think about this: last year this time, I was working for that business law firm and really hating it but figuring I would be there until I retired because it was a steady gig. Last year this time, I pretty much thought life would just go on and on and on mostly the same as it was, scant job satisfaction and quite a lot of glasses of wine and some little bright spots and eventually death, or if I was lucky, retirement first. But here I am in a place I never suspected to end up! Much happier, looking forward to lots and lots of good things, working my ass off and loving my work. They always tell you that very few people get to actually enjoy the work they do. And to those people I say: NEENER NEENER NEENER. I’m actually not working on anything so new and different, just that I’m liking it.
And it’s all because of Julia. Because I had to be courageous for her. Because I had to have faith in an uncertain future for her. Because I had to turn my life around to rise to the challenge her arrival put on the family. She’s just a little bitty thing, but she has already done more for me than she will ever know. The things I do, I do not just for her but for smart open-hearted women everywhere, for Erika, for my mom, for my Sistahs (you know who you are!) and god DAMN am I happy.

Life is fucking hard. But life is also fucking amazingly good.

Look at Matt’s face! Terrible. I can’t remember what they were eating, but it was apparently sort of blue.

Then again, which do you think is dirtier? My kids’ faces or my kitchen floor?

Sam knows, but he’s not telling.