Today is the first day of school; Sam started second grade and Matt started kindergarten. And I’ve spent the morning biting my lip and holding my cell phone, because Matt had a rough time.

He’s been excited about school for weeks, but when Sam went off to the bigger kids’ playground and Matt and I went to the kindergarten area, his resolve faded. He wanted his brother. He wanted breakfast, even though he had earlier refused it and it was too late to go buy some. He didn’t want to play on the playground. Instead, he stretched out on one of the benches with his head in my lap.

When it was time to line up and go in, I stood with him in line and he insisted I pick him up. I held him tight right up until it was time to walk into the classroom. When I put him down, his knees buckled; he didn’t want to stay in line. He kept turning around to look at me. The last thing I saw of Matt this morning was his forlorn little back disappearing into Room 9. He didn’t cry. But he wanted Sam and he wanted his mom.

I’ve been thinking of him all morning, hoping his day has brightened up. He won’t see Sam during the day, as the kindergarteners and the bigger kids have separate lunch benches and separate playgrounds. Poor little guy, I hope he’s okay. This is one of those heartbreaking mom moments: they have to face something on their own, and you can’t be there to protect them.