Crinkled HELL.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Category: evil things

So then I was sort of noodling around, waiting for it to be time to go pick up my mom someplace, when I parked my car at a strip mall.

They’re all over the place in So Cal, usually containing one or two solid, substantial businesses — a major grocery store, a discount retailer — plus a bunch of little locally-owed businesses. And do you know what two little locally-owned businesses proliferate in the Huntington Beach/Fountain Valley vicinity? They are:

  1. Tae kwon do studios; and
  2. Nail and hair salons.

They’re all Asian owned and operated, and they’re everywhere. Guess which one got me into trouble?

See, I missed the curly hair I had while pregnant with Julia. So YES I WENT IN AND GOT AN IMPULSE PERM IN A STRIP MALL SALON AND OH MY GOD. Suddenly, belatedly, I remembered why I’d been walking around with limp fine hair all those years before the Julia pregnancy. BECAUSE LIMP FINE HAIR IS BETTER THAN A BAD PERM.

If I don’t brush it out, I look like Bette Midler.

If I DO brush it out, I look like Roseanne Roseannadanna. GOD.

See? So however fucked up your day might have been, or possibly your last night or your yesterday, you can console yourself with the knowledge that AT LEAST YOU ARE NOT SUFFERING THE SHAME AND REGRET OF A SCARY ASIAN PERM.

16 comments

  1. Melany aka Supermom says:

    Repeat after me: NEVER. DO. HAIR. CHANGE. ON. IMPULSE. I know this as I have learned it the hard way

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 4:55 am

  2. Tenille says:

    Oh my God. I’m so sorry. And I have so, so totally been there. I have, right now, a box of red hair dye on my kitchen counter laughing at me and my planned Jenny Lewis-makeover.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 5:48 am

  3. gcrumpac says:

    Tenille, no shit, if you turned into Jenny Lewis I’d marry you. With whatever gay and whatever implications might be involved.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:28 am

  4. Melissa says:

    Um, pictures Gretchen, pictures! So, you know, we can all learn from your mistakes. We won’t laugh. Much.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:30 am

  5. Cathy says:

    Oh dear god Gretchen - LMAO! When I had one of those in high school, my brother used to tell me I looked like Greg Allman when I brushed it out. So sorry. But I want to see pictures too ;)

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:39 am

  6. Cathy says:

    Hey! I can comment now! Whatever that gremlin was that kept me from being able to post a comment is gone. Yay.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:40 am

  7. Valerie says:

    Oh God. I can empathsize, my mom convinced me to *let her* give me a perm when I was about 14. My self esteem never ever recovered from that hit. Well maybe, by the time I was 30 & living w/ my husband to be, I recovered. But sheesh, I looked like someone had put a fluffy puppy on head. Straight hair ever since & forever, amen!

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:27 am

  8. Jennifer says:

    Oh, I don’t think you’re allowed to post something like this without a PICTURE! Cough it up.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:37 am

  9. Tenille says:

    If I ever turn gay, you’ll be the first person I call. Okay, this has gotten weird.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:51 am

  10. Rosemary says:

    Me too! I need to see the pictures!!!! I did that way way back and NEVER EVER again. Going through pregnancy looking like someone with a blonde afro was too TOO humiliating.

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:45 pm

  11. Kristy says:

    Chiming in late…I’m sure you can pull off ANY hair-do. Did you get a pedicure while you were in there? You know, perhaps you should just stick to those on impulse…purple toes are much more manageable than purple hair.

    Picture, please…

    Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:22 pm

  12. Amy says:

    Please forgive me…I am giggling uncontrollably. My mom once gave herself orange hair right before my grandfather’s funeral. So, I guess it could be worse. Yeah, it could be worse: IT COULD BE ME.

    Thanks for the warning.

    Thursday, September 21, 2006 12:30 pm

  13. Dana says:

    Chiming in sooo late, but sweet Jesus Gretchen!!! You’ve broken every cardinal rule relating to hair. And I kind of admire you for it, in a sick way. You go girl. Pictures?

    Thursday, September 21, 2006 4:42 pm

  14. Lisa says:

    I soooo need to see pictures to help me through this hellish day of mine!

    Please??? Pretty please???

    Thursday, September 21, 2006 5:45 pm

  15. suzy says:

    You should have gone with the Tae Kwan Do.

    Friday, September 22, 2006 4:19 am

  16. Dana says:

    Okay, suzy, that was brilliant.

    Friday, September 22, 2006 5:01 am

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